On Being an Athlete

I was in the third grade when I decided I wanted to try horseback riding. Naturally, this decision was met with much scrutiny from my parents due to the extreme danger and even more extreme expenses. Nonetheless, I started lessons when I was seven. Now here we are, nearly nine years later, and I still toil with the term “athlete”. Yes, riding horses is a sport, a very intense one to say the least, but to me, it is so much more than just that, it’s a lifestyle. I could leg press more weight than most men, and my abs are rocks, but these nine years have both given and taken so much from me that it seems almost insulting to simply call myself an “athlete”. It has given me the power of responsibility, the power to make decisions and stick to them, and the power of courage. What most people don’t know, is that when you watch a rider and horse jump a course, the rider is making multiple decisions every second, and if any of those decisions are wrong, it could cost them both of their lives. When I walk into the ring, I don’t know for sure if I will be walking out with a smile, because I nailed the course, or if I’ll be carried out on a stretcher because my decision to take the inside turn to fence number five was the wrong one and my horse decided to jump ship and leave me, literally, in the dust. To me that is more than a sport. Sports have split second decisions that could cost a point or two, but not a life. I don’t know what to call myself, but I know athlete isn’t correct. Other riders may identify with that term, as it is technically accurate. Even though the term athlete doesn’t get at the extreme psychological distress riders are put through. “Athlete” doesn’t entail the body hating that equitation riders go through because the judge scored them lower than another competitor, simply because of her bigger pant size. “Athlete” doesn’t show the physical and mental scars every rider has from their worst fall. “Athlete” simply shows sweat and hard work, which is part of the horseback riding world, but what about the toxic culture? Where’s the word that describes a sport that has people standing on the side, praying that you fall and seriously injure yourself, just to beat you for bragging rights? “Athlete” doesn’t show a culture where horses and riders get suspended all too often for drug usage. “Athlete” doesn’t tell that there are riders popping Xanax at the side of the ring before they go in for their course, because last time they were in the ring, a traumatic injury happened. I am not an athlete. I am so much more than breaking a sweat everyday all year long. I am an equestrian.